I've been one year free from all drugs as of today. I thought I would have been recovered by now, but unfortunately I'm not. Although I am still struggling, I'm much better now than I was after the ativan/xanax cold turkey and during the valium taper. I've made some progress over the last year but it is very slow. I've had a few short random windows as well.
Symptoms that are gone:
Hallucinations
Hell like feelings
Waves of doom
Floating chest pain
Abdominal pains
Akathisia/severe agitation
Panic
Pain in genitals
Watering eyes
Myclonic jerks
Agorophobia
Nausea
Symptoms that are still present:
Bladder area pain (more just discomfort now).
Head sensations (comes and goes).
Muscle twitching (less).
Depression (this is better – it was very bad before).
Suicidal thoughts (less – only when I get a wave of really bad stuff).
Emotional blunting (some feelings return once in a while).
Dp/dr (mild).
Anxiety
Tinnitus/popping in ears. (mild).
Tingling left side of face (less).
Intrusive memories, intrusive thoughts, weird thoughts, obsessive thinking.
(These seem a little less powerful lately and are easier to get rid of).
Insomnia (in general I am sleeping better but still have some sleepless nights).
Tingling sensations in fingertips and toes.
Occasional numb patch on left cheek.
Fatigue
Inability to handle stress or conflict.
Inner vibrations (only when waking up from a nap sometimes)
I have somehow managed to keep my job through all of this and not lose my
family. I have also learned a lot over the last couple of years about myself,
and have had to find that little bit of extra strength from somewhere to keep
going many times. The saying that when you reach the end of your rope, tie a
knot and hang on has come in handy a lot. What keeps me going is to have a
positive attitude, remain hopeful, read reassuring information, be informed,
help others, pray, and of course all of the wonderful support here. I expect to
get better during the coming year and will post another
update in 6 months.
Peter.